Friday, April 16, 2010

A Layman's Guide to Retail Speak

Have you ever wondered if your salesperson means something different from what's he or she is saying?  Well the answer is most likely yes and here's a quick translation:

"That dress would be too voluminous on your small frame."
We do not have that dress in stock but I'm just going to blame it on your height.

"Those shoes are so cute on you!"
This is the hundredth time I have said that in the past two hours, I just need an in so I can tell you about our discount card program.  Oh, and I actually think those shoes are hideous.

"I understand, this is a big decision, why don't you go and have a coffee and talk about it?"
I am super tired of your indecisiveness and I really need to go pee/take my break/smoke/drink my coffee.

"We sure do have a lot of varieties of x-product, here's a catalog with full descriptions of each.  Why don't you peruse that and I'll be back with you."
There are people waiting behind you while you ply me with redundant questions.  They will spend more money than you and ask less questions.  Step aside.

"Excellent choice."
Thank God you finally made a choice.

"That looks fabulous on you!"
That has a price tag that makes me very happy.

"Oh isn't he/she adorable!"
Your child is tearing up my store.

"Of course he/she's not being any trouble at all.  I wish all the children in here where as well behaved."
Your child is tearing up my store.

"He/she is a real spitfire huh?"
Your child is tearing up my store and now annoying other customers.

"So adorable."
I hate you and your stupid child.

"Well, it's been super great working with you, hope to see you soon!"
Get out, you smell.

1 comment:

  1. And let's not forget:

    "Oh, that's no trouble at all."
    This is a huge pain in the ass, so you better be buying for what you're putting me through.


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