Friday, November 12, 2010

Learn How to Do It Right or Hire a Professional, Jerk - Friday Freak Out

Hey Home-Do-It-Yourself-er,

Do you think that "enter room name here" needs a new coat of paint?

Or perhaps just a nice new layer of wallpaper?

How about some lovely tile accents?

Hey HDIY'er,

Do you have a rough idea of what needs to be done to accomplish your goal?

Is your motto, "Hey, how hard can it be"?

Do you think edging tape and drop cloths are for pussies?

Well here's the real score Jackwad.  I, the person cleaning up your mess in my house, will hunt you down and cut off your thumbs so you can never pick up a tube of caulk or paint brush ever again.

Hey HDIY'er,  Guess what?  Caulk is not an all purpose adhesive.  It's not meant to adhere tile to anything.  It is not meant to seal the edges of wallpaper.  In fact, it's not meant to put wallpaper up at all, much less in a bathroom where it will allow mold growth behind that wallpaper.  I formally revoke your Home Depot privileges.

Here's another hot tip for you Dillweed:  you should never wallpaper over wallpaper.

Guess where paint shouldn't go Brainiac?  On hinges and over screws or nails.  It makes it impossible to pull the nails out, unscrew screws, and hinges?  Forget it.  Paint doesn't go all over everything that will hold still for you.

Guess what painters tape is for Captain Incompetent?  Taping off things your don't want paint to be on.  And you know what else?  Drop cloth keeps paint from getting all over the floor, genius.

Thanks for making my bathroom a war zone, Jerk who owned this house before us.  Thanks for making what should have been a two day project something that took weeks.

I hope your arms rot off at the shoulder.


  1. hoo boy! yes, leave things to the professionals.

  2. Hate to tell you, most guys think "caulk" is the answer for EVERYTHING. *wink*


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